Becoming a Mom
I am as a girlie as they come but growing up I did not dream of a beautiful wedding and house full of babies. I wanted to have a career, a big house and a nice car. I am aware now of how superficial those dreams are but when you are young and you don’t come from a well-off background you tend to dream of material things.
With that being said I met my husband at the very young age of 15. I knew from that point on that he was the only one for me. This didn’t change my dreams as much as it just added to them. I married Michael at 19 years old and we started our life together. We bought a home right away and jumped right into our adult lives of working full time and pursuing our careers.
In the midst of living and growing into our adult selves I never dreamed of children. I fully intended to live my life with Michael as “just the two of us”. Have you ever seen Sex and The City 2 Movie?? Well there is a part where Carrie and Big explain that they are going to live happily ever after with “just us two”. Well that was my plan. I felt that Michael fulfilled me completely.
Michael and our Heavenly Father had other plans for our future. I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant. It was St Patrick’s Day 2009. Seriously?! Of all days to realize you cannot drink again for an extremely long time!
Rewind a couple of weeks prior – Michael and I had a trip planned for Panama City Beach, Florida that I was over the moon about. I remember going through the drive through at McDonalds talking to Michael’s sister a couple of days before we left and telling her that I had not started my period yet and was hoping it didn’t come before or on our trip to the beach. I knew down deep that my period would not be coming again for a very long time.
We went on our trip and had a great time. What stood out the most from this trip was the extreme fatigue I experienced the entire trip. It didn’t matter how late I slept I was still completely exhausted. I attributed this to the sunny days in Florida because little did I know I was growing a human in the very early stages of my pregnancy.
A week or so after we returned when my period still did not show I decided to take a pregnancy test. I am an extremely private person so I didn’t share with anyone that I was taking this test. I didn’t even tell Michael. Of course, it was positive and from this moment on my life would never be the same.
I was a miserable cow during my pregnancy. I am not in any way one of those women that felt amazing pregnant and I could not wait for it to be over. I was scared to death to be a mother and I really did not feel equipped to take care of another life.
On November 8, 2009, I became a mommy to a beautiful blue-eyed boy that looks just like his daddy. It was an absolutely incredible experience and I have never been the same since. I see life so differently and I continue to grow in motherhood every day. The truth is we are all winging it in motherhood. It’s all trial and error and just hoping and praying we keep these littles alive. Truly motherhood is hard and I feel guilty a majority of the time but it is an experience I would never take back. I feel God had a plan for my life that was completely different from the plan I had. I trust in his process and can honestly say there is an abundant amount of beauty in motherhood.
Two years later on November 25, 2011 I gave birth to my second son and he completed our family and overfilled my heart. I feel blessed to be their mommy and grateful God trusts me to do the job.
Becoming a mother wasn’t a dream I had for myself but God works in mysterious ways and I have a home filled with beautiful baby’s laughter and lots of love.
Share your motherhood journey with me! I love hearing about all the babies!!